Fragments
by MelissaMargaret
Summary: Outtakes and sidetakes from Shattered. Will be mainly EPOV of certain events in the story. Rated M for content, language, and adult situations.


**This is Esme's POV of the events in chapter 3 of Shattered. This begins when Jasper brings Carlisle home and ends where the chapter ends. I really wanted to write this for the brief glimpse into Esme's head and the examination of her character. I think it explains a lot. **

**Thank you to Mackenzie L. for editing this for me and kr2009 for pre-reading and loving angry Esme as much as I do.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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><p><em>October 5, 2007<em>

_Seattle, WA_

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

I floated out of sleep slowly, feeling like I had barely achieved it two hours before even though I knew that wasn't true. My first thought was that something was going on at the neighbors'. They were the whole reason I could never sleep in the first place. Every other night there was someone yelling, fucking, or banging the door down over there.

I was not happy when I realized it was my door where the noise was coming from. I rolled over and sat up instantly when I noticed Carlisle wasn't beside me. He was supposed to have gotten off work hours ago. I rubbed my eyes and put my glasses on before climbing out of bed and grabbing a t-shirt he had left on the floor.

I stumbled down the hall and turned the kitchen light on. Panic rose in my chest at the thought that something might have happened to him. He always came right home after work.

_Why wasn't he here?_

When I reached the door nothing could have prepared me for what was on the other side. Jasper was standing there with his arm slung under Carlisle's shoulder, supporting him. His eyes were unfocused and he was struggling to stay upright, even with Jasper's help.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Carlisle lied to me. Had he even been at work? I knew he had. He was wearing his uniform. But it was clear he had been somewhere else since then.

My heart was in my throat as I gripped the door. My vision was blurring, and I was shaking. I needed to calm down before confronting the situation.

Jasper gave me a sympathetic smile as he carried Carlisle to the couch and dropped him on it. Even in my anger I almost laughed. Jasper wasn't being easy on him.

Alice stepped forward and rubbed my arm soothingly.

"We were at a party a block over and found him there," she whispered.

"A party?" My voice was desperate. I felt completely betrayed.

She nodded. "He had a lot to drink, Esme. I mean a lot. I think he snorted a line too."

I turned and watched as his head fell back against the couch. He had no idea where he was. I wouldn't have been shocked if it was more than one line.

"Anything else?" I didn't want to know, but I had to. I had to know how deep his lie went.

She sighed. This couldn't be good. "There was a girl. I think she saw him as an easy target because he's so drunk. She was sitting on his lap."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't. Jasper came back to the door and put his arm around my shoulder in a hug. "Thank you for bringing him home," I whispered.

He nodded before they both stepped outside, and I shut the door. I turned around and leaned back against it, exhausted. When my eyes fell on Carlisle he was slumped down on the couch, eyes closed, with his head rolling back and forth on his shoulder.

_How could he do this to me?_

I briefly toyed with the idea of kicking him out. In that first moment of rage, when I saw him on the doorstep with Jasper, what he had done was barely forgivable. But once I took a deep breath and steadied myself I saw the potential repercussions of making him leave. Whatever had happened in the last few hours and whatever it meant for our relationship needed to be worked through.

I was angrier than I had ever been, but I couldn't confront him like this. He was in no shape to give me any answers. Honestly, I could hardly look at him without giving in and crossing the room to slap him.

I had to sober him up before anything else. That was my first priority. As upset as I was, I wasn't about to let him succumb to alcohol poisoning. That combined with the fact it had been years since he had done coke made it a wonder we weren't already at the hospital.

I bowed my head, thankful that it wasn't worse than it was. I was livid, but I would get over it. I couldn't believe the risk he had taken. He could have died.

But in that moment, knowing he had lied to me and gone behind my back, my worry did nothing to ease my fury.

I made my way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I grabbed a Gatorade and slammed the door shut, relishing in the thought of how much louder it was to him. He deserved to suffer a little.

Over the years we had both developed a solid knowledge of how to sober up quickly. In high school there was always the chance of my parents noticing me when I came home. They could never know I had been with Carlisle or what we had been doing. Gatorade became our lifesaver.

I returned to the living room and made my way to the couch. "Sit up," I said, kicking it for good measure.

He only managed to move a couple inches, but at least he was upright. I shoved the bottle into his hand and sat down beside him. "Drink."

"Esme, I'm sorry…"

I held up my hand. "Don't. I don't want to hear it. Drink the Gatorade. You need to sober up right now."

He took a tiny sip of the Gatorade. I was surprised he could even see the bottle, given how unfocused his eyes were.

"Drink it all, Carlisle. I won't wait forever."

I stood up and went back to the kitchen. Gatorade alone wouldn't be enough. He needed food. I wasn't sure when the last time he ate was, but if he drank on an empty stomach it would take him longer to become sober again.

I grabbed a banana off the counter and shoved it into his hand. "Eat it."

I sat in the wingback chair opposite the couch and crossed my arms, bouncing my foot against the chair leg. I was quickly losing my patience with him.

He took several slow bites and had another few sips of the Gatorade before looking up. When our eyes met he flinched a little. His reaction didn't really surprise me. I could only imagine how angry I looked.

"Jasper says you were at a party." It might have been wrong but I loved the hard edge my voice held. He needed to be a little scared.

His eyes widened. I figured he was too out of it to know who brought him home. The dumbstruck look on his face proved me right.

"You lied to me, Carlisle," I continued. "I don't even want to think about what could have happened if Jasper hadn't found you."

"I told you I was so-"

"I don't want your apology, Carlisle." I was done. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I got up and turned off the kitchen light before turning to face him. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked one too many times, but I didn't feel sorry for him. He made his bed. He could lie in it.

"You can sleep where you are. I don't want you in my bed."

I walked down the hall and shut the bedroom door. I sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to compose myself. It hadn't been easy to be so hard on him, but he needed to see how serious this was.

I settled against the pillows and took off my glasses, not even bothering to pull the covers up. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anyway.

The next morning I was brushing my teeth when Carlisle stumbled into the bathroom, still half asleep. He smiled softly when he saw me and tried to put his arms around me.

"Get off me," I muttered, ducking under his arms.

I went to the kitchen and fixed some eggs and bacon, leaving enough for Carlisle to have some, and I left for class without saying a word.

Giving him the cold shoulder was the only thing that would work on Carlisle. I learned a long time ago that the longer I ignored him and went about my business the more it sank in that he had messed up.

I knew once he sobered up the night before that was sorry and that he could see how badly he hurt me, but driving the point home for a couple days couldn't hurt.

The next day was more difficult. When we registered for classes we managed to get one of them together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Having to sit next to him, knowing that he was hurting and I was hurting and we were hurting each other wasn't easy.

Carlisle brought me a dozen red roses when he came home from work that night. It was a sweet gesture, but I wasn't quite ready to give in yet. I smiled softly and touched the petals of one of the flowers before going to bed. Carlisle never even tried to follow me.

I laid in bed for hours, unable to sleep. I knew it was time to verbally forgive him. He had learned his lesson. The look on his face when I saw the roses proved the depth of his apology. I knew I was finally ready to hear that apology.

I sighed deeply and climbed out of bed. I made my way slowly down the short hallway, wondering what I would find in the living room.

He was stretched out on his back, sound asleep. I smiled. No matter how angry I had been, and honestly still was, he had always been the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I loved to watch him sleep. Our lives were so stressful it seemed like sleep was the only time he was ever relaxed. He looked so peaceful.

I crawled as gently as I could onto the sleeper next to him and buried my face in his chest. I missed the way he smelled.

It was only moments later when I felt his hand rubbing my back. The smooth motion calmed me, easing my worry over the situation.

He kissed the top of my head, running his fingers through my hair. "I love you, Esme," he whispered.

I lifted my head to look into his eyes. He couldn't believe I was there. That much was clear, despite the fact he was still barely awake. I reached up and stroked his cheek, making him smile. I missed his smile.

"I know you do, Carlisle. I know you do," I told him.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I hate what I did to you. I was so stupid. I can't believe what a stupid fuck up I was."

"Carlisle, stop," I said. "Let me speak. Then you can say whatever you need to."

I sat up and crossed my legs. I took his hand and held it between mine in my lap.

"Baby, I know you're sorry. I knew it that night, but I was too angry to accept it then. I'm still angry. I cannot believe you would lie to me like that, Carlisle. That night…" I shivered just thinking about it. "I almost threw you out. It was hard not to let my anger get the best of me. Alice told me… She told me how much beer you had and that you had snorted a line, and a girl was trying to take advantage of your condition."

He looked like he wanted to say something but wisely stayed quiet. I took a deep breath before continuing. "I only want to know one thing from you," I said. "Why did you feel the need to hide this from me?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, baby. I swear, I was so stupid. I shouldn't have lied to you-"

I couldn't help but interrupt. "You're damn right you shouldn't have."

He looked like I had slapped him. He knew when I cursed I meant business. I didn't think it was tasteful for a woman to curse. There were better ways I could express my feelings.

"I have no excuse, Esme. I won't make one up. I fucked up, and I'm paying for it now. I hate disappointing you, baby; you have to know that."

I nodded. His voice was full of passion. He truly was sorry, and I knew there was nothing worse for him than thinking I was disappointed with his behavior.

"I do know that. That's why I don't understand. Who even invited you?"

He rubbed my face with his hands before answering.

"A girl in one of my classes told me about it." I raised my eyebrows. I wasn't jealous, and I didn't worry that he would cheat on me. I knew better than that. But I was concerned this girl might think she stood a chance and not give up. "I felt like I wanted to really do the college thing, I guess. Babe, we used to do this all the time. I missed it."

He missed it? As far as I was concerned that life was behind us. Sure, we still smoked the occasional bowl, but hard drugs were a thing of the past for me. I needed more from life now.

"Is that how you want to live your life, Carlisle? It was one thing when we were in high school, but I thought we were going to school now to grow up and actually become something. Not to waste our lives partying."

He sighed. "I know, Esme. I know." His voice was tired. Not so much physically, but emotionally. The past few days had taken a serious toll on both of us.

"Can you accept my apology?" he asked, finally looking at me.

"I accept your apology, but I need you to understand how deeply you hurt me. What do I have if I can't trust you, Carlisle?"

"I don't know how many times I can tell you I'm sorry and that I messed up and that I hate myself for it before-"

"Baby, stop." I placed my hand on his chest. I hadn't wanted him to think I was placing conditions on his apology. I just needed to know I could still trust him.

"I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you." I stretched out beside his and placed my head on his chest. "I'm sorry for sounding that way. I accept your apology. Can you accept mine, and promise never to lie to me again?"

"Yes, beautiful," he whispered into my hair.

There were still issues that needed to be worked through and trust that needed to be rebuilt, but for now we were okay.

"Are you ready to come back to the bed?" I asked.

He laughed, the sound making me smile. "God, yes. Why did we ever buy a sleeper? I hate this couch."

I shook my head at him as I led him down the hallway, not even bothering to put the sofa back together. We would worry about that later. I crawled into the bed beside him and rested my head on his chest. It didn't take long to fall into a peaceful sleep for the first time in days.


End file.
